


Take A Deep Breath

by Chloe_Hallow_Eve



Series: Black Paladin Lance [14]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Lance (Voltron) Angst, Post-Season/Series 02 (Voltron), Trauma, black paladin lance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-03
Updated: 2017-05-03
Packaged: 2018-10-27 20:00:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,037
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10815711
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chloe_Hallow_Eve/pseuds/Chloe_Hallow_Eve
Summary: Lance get's out of the Galran ship, but can't leave behind what he went through.Set after Endurance





	Take A Deep Breath

Lance didn’t remember death. He remembered the pain of having his heart ripped out, as well as the blood that poured from the gaping wound and how his body burned at not being able to function properly, but he was granted a small bit of mercy. He blacked out almost immediately, then died shortly after. At least, Lance was pretty sure he died. There was no way he could have gone through what he did and survive. 

 

But, by some power that some would call a curse and others a blessing, he was brought back. 

 

Lance woke up in a healing pod. It was a sluggish awakening, first with a tingle at his fingertips and toes that soon spread. His brain didn’t wake up until the pod opened and released him. He stumbled out, and was caught before he could even trip. His eyes opened slowly, and he shifted so he could look up at who it was. His eyes met the sad, guilty ones of Prince Lotor. 

 

“Lance, how do you feel?”

 

Lance’s tongue felt like a dead weight, but he spoke anyways. “Alright,” he slurred, “kinda fuzzy. And weird.”

 

Lance was more aware of the strangeness of his body when he said it. He couldn’t place a finger on what it was, but something felt wrong in the way he took breaths, in the blood running through his system. Lance remembered his heart beating in his ears the last time he came out of a pod, but he couldn’t feel or hear it at all. Lance wondered if it was because these pods were more updated. 

 

“That is good. Come, we should get some food into you.” 

 

Lance allowed himself to be pulled over to a table and sat down. He watched Lotor walk to the other side of the room, grab some things that looked like ration bags, and come back. Lance tried grasping the packs, but his fingers wouldn’t listen to him. Lotor sighed, and held the water pack up to his lips. Lance took large gulps. 

 

“I released you from your rest a bit early, so we do not have much time.” Lotor switched the water out for food, being patient with the small bites Lance was taking. “I hope to send you on your way in a pod soon. Once you are out, I will open a wormhole from in here and you can head towards your team.”

 

Lance weakly batted Lotor’s arm away from his mouth. “What? Won’t you get in trouble?”

 

“Do not worry for me, I will leave soon after with some loyal men.”

 

Lance frowned. “Yeah, but-”

 

“It will be fine, Lance. I’ve planned this carefully, all during your time in the pod. Which, if I might add, was a long time. You need to get back to your team more than I need to stay here.”

 

Lance couldn’t argue with that. He sighed, relenting. “By the way, what happened? I remember Haggar tearing my heart out, and I assume after that I was in the pod, but the pods can’t regrow your heart. Can they?”

 

Lotor looked away from him. “We leave soon. I have acquired clothing for you to wear. Change quickly.” 

 

“Lotor, what happened?”

 

The prince didn’t reply, walking back over to the same spot he had gotten the food from. Lance dropped it. Lotor came back with a bag and a pile of Galran clothes. He placed both on the table, then turned. Lance hesitated, then reached for the pile, drawing it closer to himself. He examined the clothing. The shirt was simple, black, and had longsleeves. The pants seemed a bit big around the waist, but there was a belt resting along with the outfit. Lance cautiously rose to his feet, then got to work on removing the suit. 

 

Lance managed to work the top portion of it down his chest before he froze. His breath quickened, but not enough to match the panic he felt building. With shaking hands, he slowly traced the new scar over his heart. A jagged line started at his collarbone, working its way diagonally across his midsection until it reached the bottom of his ribs on the right side. Two more, smaller lines moved away from the centre of the wound, creating an ‘x’. It had obviously been stitched up, but Lance couldn’t see any stitches. He wondered how many times he was removed from the healing pod to perform this correctly. 

 

That wasn’t the worst of it. The truly horrific part was the patch of light skin, right over his heart, slightly purple in hue. It was just lighter than Lotor’s skin. The edges were rough, creating a vague circle. Lance felt all the breath in his lungs leave, then get sucked in against his will. The panic subsided to make room for the more logical part of Lance’s brain. 

 

‘ _ So that’s what happened. _ ’

 

Lance felt a flash of amusement at how blunt his rationality was. 

 

“Lotor.” Lance’s voice cracked. “What happened?”

 

Lotor was silent. Lance thought he wouldn’t reply, when the prince sighed deeply. He didn’t turn around. “When Haggar tore out your heart, she… she almost let you die. She  _ did  _ let you die. For a while. I managed to convince her to bring you back, that you still had use, and she... “ Lotor tugged at his hair, starting to pull strands out at the roots. Lance recognised it as a coping mechanism. “She implanted a mechanical heart into your body. It will work more efficiently, increase stamina, regulate your breathing, and even filter out unwanted additions to your bloodstream. I don’t know how she did it. And after, she was saying something about needing a patch of skin to cover the space that wouldn’t heal on its own or in the pod. So, I offered mine. But believe me, Lance, I wouldn’t have chosen this for you if it wasn’t absolutely necessary. You were dead, and I- I didn’t- how was I-” 

 

Lance didn’t want to hear any more of the broken sound in Lotor’s voice. Lance rushed forward, ignoring the fact that he had no shirt, and hugged Lotor from behind. Lotor cut off in his rambles, releasing a sob. Lance felt his own tears gathering. He had no idea what it must have been like for Lotor,  _ for his team,  _ to have witnessed his demise. To live with the fact that he had died,  _ and they couldn’t have done anything.  _ Lance was the one subjected to it, and he could hardly believe he had gone through that. But now the Empire had taken something precious to Lance. They had tried to take many things before, and had failed. But not this time. Of course, where it put Lance’s life in danger, it was the time they succeeded. Lance buried his face in Lotor’s back and let his tears fall. 

 

After a few moments, Lance pulled away. Both of them were sniffing. Lance returned to the garments still on the table, and dressed quickly. Both of them took a moment to collect themselves. 

 

“The hallways should be relatively empty. You should have no problem getting to a pod.” Lotor finally turned, yet his gaze never quite met Lance’s. “Are you ready?”

 

Lance wasn’t. He didn’t want to walk out of the room, he didn’t want to get in the pod, he didn’t want to go back and explain to his teammates that  _ no, I’m not dead, what you saw wasn’t the whole story, I’m okay _ . He just wanted to sleep. There was no energy in his body. His emotions seemed to have taken a hike after he cried. His brain was sluggish. He didn’t want to be among the living. 

 

Lance nodded. 

 

Lotor led him out of the room. 

 

* * *

Their farewell was tense, filled with unsaid fears and warnings. They shared a brief hug, ignoring the wetness in each others eyes. Lance was launched into space.

 

Lance was surrounded by nothingness. The stars twinkled far, far away. The most encompassing thing was the void of space. It reminded Lance of Black and Shiro. Almost as soon as his mind started down that path, he turned it somewhere else. He didn’t want to think of them yet, or what they were feeling. Probably guilt. 

 

Lance stared at the stars. The tiny pinpricks of light couldn’t feel anything. They were balls of gas, or suns, galaxies away. Lance didn’t have to worry about their emotions or how they would react to him. They just were. 

 

They didn’t care about Lance. 

 

All at once, Lance was overwhelmed; despair, loneliness, fury, panic, stress, depression, disgust, all overcame him. Lance could almost feel Haggar’s revolting hand, still in his chest. He could feel his breath try to shorten- he  _ wanted  _ his breath to shorten- but the chunk of metal acting as his heart kept beating steadily despite that. It forced his breath to stay even. It forced him to keep some semblance of calm. It forced him to not break. 

 

_ “You’re more useless to me like this.”  _

 

Lance wanted to break more than anything. 

 

Lance welcomed the fresh tears in his eyes, allowing himself to sob the best he could. Every breath that shook or staggered gave Lance triumph.  _ You can’t take my breath from me. You can’t take anything from me.  _

 

In a flash of light, a wormhole appeared. Lance blinked rapidly, steering the pod through. He used the moment he had in the wormhole to wipe his eyes and nose off on his sleeves. He couldn’t push the image of Haggar’s grin out of his mind, but then again, Lance wasn’t sure if he’d ever be able to. So he rolled with it. Pretended he was fine. If he acted like it, he would soon believe it, right?

 

He wasn’t fine. That fact was supported when Lance came out of the wormhole. He wasn't prepared to see the castle-ship again. He wasn't prepared to hear Black and Blue, the former overjoyed and pained, the latter screaming her excitement. He wasn't prepared for the feeling of  _ home  _ that washed over him. Lance was overwhelmed once more. 

 

He managed to blink back the water in his eyes with Black’s firm encouragement and Blue’s gentle soothing. Under both lionesses instructions, he pulled himself together, then hailed the Castle of Lions. There was a couple ticks to wait, and Lance feared they wouldn't pick up, before the screen lit up. 

 

Everyone was in the bridge. They were spread out, no one really standing close to each other. Lance could tell, even through the screen, that they all looked terrible. Hunk was pale, eyes sunken, and Lance knew he had been baking during the night while hardly eating. Pidge, Shiro and Allura looked dead on their feet. They probably hadn't been sleeping either, and pushed themselves to work harder. Coran just looked sad, which was wrong. Coran was the one who dealt with his emotions properly, he shouldn't seem so defeated. Keith was twitchy, pale, sweaty, and seemed two seconds from killing the first person to touch him. Everyone’s eyes were red and glassy. And they were all staring at him. 

 

Lance figured he didn’t looked all that great either. But he did what he did best when everything was tense and silent. He grinned and cracked a joke. 

 

“I know I'm handsome, so beautiful it's hard not to stare, but could someone open the hanger doors so I can get in and hug you all?”

 

Keith slammed his hand down on the hanger door button the next second. He then raced out of the room. Hunk stumbled forwards, tears dripping down his face. 

 

“Lance! Oh god, Lance. Lance, Lance,  _ Lance.”  _

 

“I'm here, buddy. I'm here.”

 

Pidge dropped to their knees, bottom lip trembling. “You- you were-” they whined, pitch high, rubbing harshly at their eyes. 

 

“She made us watch!” Hunk was gasping for breath, trembling, and Shiro had to hold him up. “We couldn't- turn the- the monitor off- and- and then- she-”

 

Shiro shushed Hunk, rubbing his back, blinking back his own tears. He gave Lance a shaky smile. “Welcome back, Lance.” 

 

Lance’s own smile wobbled. “I'm back. Im home.”

 

* * *

Lance felt all of his energy leave him once he stepped out of the pod. He got two steps towards the door before he collapsed. The floor was warm. Lance rolled over and stared up at the ceiling. The lights blared. Lance blinked, and was back on the metal table. He felt ice creep through his chest, both from the cold room and terror. He started shivering. Lance was forced to take deep breaths by his new heart. 

 

_ “I will break you.”  _

 

Lance blinked again. He was in the castle. He was shivering still, quick tremors racking through his body. 

 

“Lance!”

 

Lance turned his head at his name. He watched Keith skid to his knees, sliding over to him. His hands patted his body down, fingers shaking, checking for injuries. After he was finished, he placed them on Lance’s face gently. His eyes were wet. 

 

Lance knew this wasn’t the time to joke, and yet, “I know you want to touch this hot bod, but can you hold off a while? I think I need to go into a healing pod for a thousand years.” 

 

“You  _ idiot. _ ” He sniffed, laughing wetly. His smile faded quickly. “We watch you die, and then you just show up, fine, cracking jokes, and you made everyone cry, I was so fucked up, I missed you, I wanted you to come back so badly, and you couldn’t, but you did, and  _ I hate you.”  _

 

Keith kissed his forehead. Lance reached up and took Keith’s hands in his. Keith gripped him like he would disappear at any moment. 

 

“I’m sorry I made you worry. I won’t leave like that again.” 

 

A sob racked through Keith. “You be-better not.” Tears fell onto Lance’s borrowed clothes. 

 

There were footsteps coming towards them. Lance looked at the door. Hunk and Pidge came racing around the corner, tears still in their eyes. They ran towards Lance, slumping beside him. Pidge fell face first into his chest, grabbed on, and started crying. Hunk grabbed one of Lance’s hands and squeezed. 

 

“Lance, Lance, Lance.” Hunk was muttering. He seemed a bit broken, eyes clouded, as if he wasn’t quite there. Lance swallowed his guilt and squeezed back. 

 

Pidge was crying too hard to speak. They got a few incoherent mumbles out before they were back to gasping for breath. Lance ducked his head and planted his lips to their temple. It was painful, knowing that he had caused this. He tried to promise himself he’d never do it again, but he could never be sure. 

 

Lance felt his heartbeat stutter, forcing him to take two quick inhales. His brows furrowed. His mechanical heart stuttered again, the space in between beats longer. Lance’s vision faded out and his brain fogged. It all cleared, and the machine went back to beating. Lance smiled ruefully. Of course this would happen just when he was reuniting with everyone. He  _ had _ been let out of stasis too early. Lance looked over to Keith, the smile still on his face. 

 

“Hey, how fast can you get me to a healing pod?”

 

Keith wiped his eyes. “Um, pretty fast, if Hunk or Shiro helps. Why?”

 

“I’m about to pass out.” 

 

Keith’s face twisted in alarm. “What?”

 

Lance didn’t feel the drum of his life stop this time, but did feel the after effects. Darkness consumed his sight slowly. He took small, fast and shallow breaths. His brain blanked. Finally, Lance dropped off into the land of the unconscious, unaware of the shouts around him. 

 

* * *

Hunk stared at the pod holding his best friend. Lance’s skin was too pale, especially in this lighting. They hadn’t changed his clothes, too frantic to be in their right minds, but Lance wouldn’t be in the pod for long. That was one of the reasons that everyone was gathered in the room. 

 

No one knew how to break the silence. What was there to say? What  _ could  _ they say? They had watched Haggar tear out Lance’s heart. They had watched Lance gurgle, choking on blood, body twitching, before he slumped. They had watched Haggar toss the heart over her shoulder, like it was nothing, before grinning at them. Then, they had watched static after the connection had been cut. And yet here he was, a week later, looking fine. No one was equipped to handle this kind of situation. 

 

Pidge was the one to finally break the silence. “Do you think it was an illusion?”

 

Hank frowned over at them. “What do you mean?”

 

“The… the video feed. Do you think it was an illusion?”

 

Shiro, who stood in the centre of the room, took a deep breath. “Knowing Haggar, it’s entirely possible.”

 

“It would make sense.” Allura walked closer to the pod, checking the settings for the third time in half an hour. “There couldn’t possibly… Lance wouldn’t have been able to survive something like that. Yet, here he is.”

 

“Can we just be, like, glad? Why do we have to question it?” Hunk whined. 

 

Shiro’s face softened. “We are glad. But we don’t know what he actually went through, or the effects it will have on him. We have to be ready for when he comes out of the pod.”

 

“How much longer?” Keith shifted, leaning against the far wall with his arms crossed. 

 

“Only a couple more vargas.” Coran peered over Allura’s shoulder to be sure. “Two vargas and thirty seven doboshes, to be exact.”

 

Keith hunched further. Pidge huffed, walking over to him and sitting down. After a moment, Hunk joined. Keith slowly slid down the wall to be eye level with them. 

 

“Do you think he’s going to be okay?” Keith whispered after a few minutes. 

 

Pidge looked over at the pod. “Hopefully.”

 

“And if he’s not, we’ll _help_ him be okay.” Hunk sat up, eyes shining with conviction. “We gotta show him he’s not alone.”

 

Pidge and Keith cracked small smiles. They all looked over at the pod, falling back into silence. 

  
_ At least,  _ Hunk thought, hands clenching together,  _ I hope we can help him.  _

**Author's Note:**

> So I finally give you guys the answers you've been waiting for! That's got to be good. 
> 
> I apologise once again for not updating on Sunday, but I did have an essay I had to hand in. I should be able to stay on the schedule, but if I can't, I'll let you all know. 
> 
> There are 137 people who think my series is worth bookmarking. I am amazed, and so grateful! Thank everyone who reads, comments, bookmarks, or kudos my work. It means the world to me!
> 
> Stay amazing~! I'll see you on Sunday!!!


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